I am Battered
Women who suffer this menace sometimes wait until they go blind; sprain their spinal cord or even a coma before they do something about that husband, partner or lover of theirs who measures his masculinity with every punch he lays on them. I know some people expect me to include “lose their life”. Wake up girl, when you are dead you are gone and free. Free from his cruel fists, free from telling lies about your black eye, broken nose or lost tooth, free from complaining to your family and close friends, free from wondering how it would affect your children, and even free from watching your children go through it, “free, free, free at last”. God help you if your face is not disfigured beyond recognition through acid bathe, a fate worse than death in my opinion.
Here you are, in the middle of family, friends, neighbours and religious “bondage” (sorry belief) wondering why you can’t seem to “pray it out”. Deep within you, you want to put a stop to it but somehow, something keeps pulling you back. How would you pay your bills without him? Where will, all the “luxuries” presently enjoyed come from? What happens to your children? What will your family say?
For most women the greatest hindrance to taking firm decisions in such circumstance is finance. The economic dependence of victims on the perpetrator often leaves women more vulnerable than they are. Some women realize how helpless they would be without their partner’s financial support. This of course makes them become habituated to the situation and continue lying to themselves. “oh it’s the loss of job, alcohol or my constant misbehaviours that is upsetting him”. Much as I hate to break your bubble, hear this - batterers are solely, legally and morally responsible for their actions. Men who batter often suffer a great sense of insecurity and an exaggerated image of themselves. They believe they are entitled to their wife or partner’s loyalty, obedience and services. To sustain this control they resort to violence, no woman disagrees, disrespects or disdains them, especially the one ‘under’ them. Ironically the same men are labelled gentlemen outside their homes and any one who encounters them becomes valued. So get to grips earlier and make up your mind on what you want to do.
Don’t get me wrong I am not putting ideas into your head because I know a battered woman gets the best advice from within her. It is even more difficult to convince a woman who lives and hangs her hopes on a violent relationship that there is an alternative. And what are the available options, break the silence - seek counseling, devise a plan to keep you from getting harmed within the home, report to the police, this may sound stupid where the police trivialize such issues, you’ve however laid a complaint no matter how “trivial”, seek help from non governmental organizations working on women protection around you, legal redress, call a hotline and get support, if you are hurt seek medical care. You need to prepare yourself for the unexpected, that moment when you no longer have time to think but only to act and at that time what would you fall back on for survival if you eventually decide to take the plunge. The choice is yours. Good luck!
Here you are, in the middle of family, friends, neighbours and religious “bondage” (sorry belief) wondering why you can’t seem to “pray it out”. Deep within you, you want to put a stop to it but somehow, something keeps pulling you back. How would you pay your bills without him? Where will, all the “luxuries” presently enjoyed come from? What happens to your children? What will your family say?
For most women the greatest hindrance to taking firm decisions in such circumstance is finance. The economic dependence of victims on the perpetrator often leaves women more vulnerable than they are. Some women realize how helpless they would be without their partner’s financial support. This of course makes them become habituated to the situation and continue lying to themselves. “oh it’s the loss of job, alcohol or my constant misbehaviours that is upsetting him”. Much as I hate to break your bubble, hear this - batterers are solely, legally and morally responsible for their actions. Men who batter often suffer a great sense of insecurity and an exaggerated image of themselves. They believe they are entitled to their wife or partner’s loyalty, obedience and services. To sustain this control they resort to violence, no woman disagrees, disrespects or disdains them, especially the one ‘under’ them. Ironically the same men are labelled gentlemen outside their homes and any one who encounters them becomes valued. So get to grips earlier and make up your mind on what you want to do.
Don’t get me wrong I am not putting ideas into your head because I know a battered woman gets the best advice from within her. It is even more difficult to convince a woman who lives and hangs her hopes on a violent relationship that there is an alternative. And what are the available options, break the silence - seek counseling, devise a plan to keep you from getting harmed within the home, report to the police, this may sound stupid where the police trivialize such issues, you’ve however laid a complaint no matter how “trivial”, seek help from non governmental organizations working on women protection around you, legal redress, call a hotline and get support, if you are hurt seek medical care. You need to prepare yourself for the unexpected, that moment when you no longer have time to think but only to act and at that time what would you fall back on for survival if you eventually decide to take the plunge. The choice is yours. Good luck!
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